Chronic Dissatisfaction

I wanted to wait a bit to post about the Greek God. I didn't want to curse things. I wanted to see if I could hang on to that euphoric feeling of falling. Unfortunately, those feelings didn't last long for reasons I can't quite pinpoint.

We ended up spending the whole weekend last weekend together. It was wonderful. And very PG. He comes from a very religious family and wanted to wait, which was fine by me. We both jumped in feet first, both proclaiming we hadn't felt anything quite like this. This perfect. I didn't want to leave. He didn't want me to leave. It was a great feeling.

You see, two weeks before I had sat down and wrote out a list of everything I wanted. Core values, and the things that were just wants, not musts. When I got home, I go through the list, realizing he meets every single one. I'm thinking I must have conjured this man up.

We talked throughout the week. Everything seems great, but I can feel the darkness creeping in. Nagging doubts that I can't kick. I don't even know what about. I'm just easily annoyed.

Then this weekend it's the same thing. He is as sweet as can be. Everyone in his life knows about me. He's absolutely crazy about me. I want to be crazy about him. I really do.

Part of the problem might be the sweetheart. He and the girl he was seeing have split up. Now it's nagging at me. I know the Greek God is better for me, on paper, but I just keep wondering what if.

So now I'm terrified I'm going to break this guy's heart. I have no idea what I want. I want a guy that's crazy about me, but doesn't act that way?

Thanks Tosh Blog, I'm flattered

http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2010/10/14/irrelevant-comment-of-the-week-33/

I shamelessly self promoted myself to the front page of the Tosh.0 blog. :)

Big Weekend Ahead

The greek god has invited me out tomorrow night, so we are going to a movie and a drink. This could set the stage for a sleep over, since I'll be five minutes from his place, and we have plans on Saturday.

I will be on good behavior.

I will be on good behavior.

I will be on good behavior.

Now pondering whether it will look bad if I a have makeup bag, contact solution, and toothbrush in my car.

:-P

The Big Green Monster

So, the backup plan invites me to eat Mexican with him and his friend after a particularly grueling workout. Of course, I'm all in. He's been jokingly telling me I can take the friend on the cruise with me. So, the friend and I tease each other about that as we're working out.

We go to the mexican restaurant, sit down, and the back up plan proceeds to talk farm talk with the friend and pretty much ignore me. The friend keeps trying to converse with me, and the backup plan, immediately upon my answering any question asks him something about farming. I couldn't quite figure it out, and then it hit me what he was doing. He actually did not want me talking to the friend. He was jealous. And he was trying to puff out his chest by exhibiting how much more knowledgeable he was about farming than his friend.

I got the perfect opportunity to add some fuel to the fire when the friend asks me if I have plans this weekend. I tell him about the big game, which then lends me the opportunity to talk about the greek god. (I wouldn't have brought it up, but the big green monster asked who I was going with.) Somehow, we get on the subject of the guy's appearance (along with his intent "to just get in my pants") so I have to produce a picture. Which I do. This leads to the friend informing the backup plan that he doesn't stand a chance because this man looks like a greek god. Add to that the fact that we have the best "how we met" story he's ever heard. Not a chance. So, the sweetheart makes sure I am aware he's going to visit his new girlfriend tonight.

I think I am finally coming to my senses about him. I've realized something, and that is that if I asked him to come over for the night, he would. Despite the fact that he has this girlfriend. That makes him not good enough, in my book, because I would always wonder if he was doing the same to me.

Another Fabulous First Date

I believe I met the male version of myself. Actually, I believe he was worse. The guy actually asked me for the second date while we were on the first date. When I said "sure" he clarified that this was the point where I needed to be completely honest. Yes or No. Because a lot of girls will just say "sure" when they really have no intentions of doing it. I said, "well, then, yes, when I have time."

It was one of those excruciating experiences where you really just want to get up and leave. I was actually told in the course of this veritable tooth pulling that I am "reserved and quiet." Hah. No, I'm just scoping out the nearest exit and trying to find a graceful way to hastily make it to it.

And to think, one year ago I was proclaiming how excited I was to be re-entering the dating world. Ah, the naivete of youth.

The Workout

So, I'm at the gym, working out when he (the one formally known as the sweetheart) walks in, and another chick walks in with him. I'm thinking they are together, so I go out of my way to do way more reps of every workout than my body would normally think it can tolerate.

When I'm done pushing every muscle to absolute exhaustion, I decide to go get my regular clothes back out of the car so I can walk across the gym in my oh-so-cute pencil skirt, tight little sweater and pumps combo and make sure he notices that I look ten times better than she does.

He asks me if I'm going back to work some more. I inform him, no, I'm going for drinks.

And I leave it at that little lie, cruising through the subway drive-thru on the way home and polishing off my buffalo chicken flatbread in my cute little pencil skirt, sweater, and pumps. :-P

He called! -After some gentle prodding on my part :-P

I couldn't stand the suspense. The will he/won't he. We were approaching 48 hours. No contact. Is all hope lost? Is all interest lost? Surely not. Surely he just lost his phone. Or got hit by a car. I'm sure it's not that he's not interested.

So I broke whatever silly rules my friends say there are and texted him. He immediately called.

We talked for a bit. He said we'd firm up plans later this week.

Taking out the trash

I mailed the Jerk a check for the cruise we booked. I've decided to go solo. It should be fun. Or extremely depressing. One of the two.

I included a Dear John letter. I wanted to tie up any loose ends, and make sure he realizes it really is over for good.

My First Date

So I went out with the Greek God. We saw a movie, and then got a bite to eat. He is a doll. Pretty shy. Didn't even kiss. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. I couldn't resist sending one little text once I got home to say I had a great time. He responded that he did too. Hopefully he'll call. I'm doing my best to not be GiGi and obsess about it.

Speaking of being a GiGi. GiGi is meeting her Alex for sushi tonight. Trying to get some practice in at this whole dating thing. No sex, of course. "Never again will I use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for my own unfulfilled yearnings." <--- Thanks Liz Gilbert

The Greek God

So, I was in the mood to do something I had never done. Go out as a completely single gal and get my groove on with a girlfriend. We have never been out in the town we are going out in, so the first bar we go to, we stay at for about five minutes. Just not our taste. A little too Argyle.

The next place, we can tell is exactly to our liking. Great music. Great drinks. I love it when my cranberry and vodka is a very light pink. I strut out on the dance floor my lovely pink drink in hand. Five seconds later, my lovely pink drink is all over me. There is a cute girl and a very good looking guy dancing behind me. She's pointing at him, he's pointing at her. I'm mad as hell. I march up to the bar, and the bartender is kind enough to give me another on the house. I march back over to the guy, and inform him "for future reference, when you knock a girl's brand new drink all over her brand new shirt, you offer to replace it." He says I'm sorry. I march off to the other side of the dance floor.

I'm out there doing my thing, dancing up a storm. A little while later, I notice Mr. I knocked your drink on you and didn't replace it standing at the bar watching me. I point at him, glare and just shake my head. He walks up and tells me I was absolutely correct, he needs to buy me another drink. So he does. And we dance. For an hour. Terrible dancer, but I make up for that. We just click. The cute girl comes up and tells me that he didn't shut up about me. So, I give him my number.

He's already texted me by the time I make it out to the car.

The Stage Five Clinger's new theme song

You should get a tight red v neck sweater and prance around my place Sunday while I film you

This was the message I got from the Jerk today. The really bad part is, I actually considered it for a minute. :(

I thought I had a tight grip today, then I lost it....

My job requires a lot of driving around, cold calling, etc. I decide to go to this little town south of me to get some work in. For some reason on my way it strikes me that "The sweetheart" (who by the way may be getting a new not so friendly name) had told me about the 24 hour gym there and that I should join it. I figured it was a safe bet that he wouldn't be there when I was going in today because he was supposed to be going to dinner with his mom. I go in, talk to the owner, look the place over, sign the contract, and lo and behold, who walks in the door... Mr. I haven't attempted to make any form of contact with you today. I don't say a whole lot, I walk out the door, he follows me out, asks me if I'm not gonna be working out, and I said I might go get my workout clothes from home and workout later. He also informed me that he had a softball game tonight and then his friends are taking him out for his birthday afterward.He says he'll probably be there for another hour. So what do I do? I drive like a bat out of hell to get home, get changed, and get back to that gym while he is still there. I then proceed to have the best workout of my life because I am jealous as hell when two bitches come up to him telling him happy birthday and chatting with him. They weren't even working out. Not even in workout clothes. ??? Anyways, I'm pumping iron like there is no tomorrow with NIN blowing out my eardrums. When he and his buddy get ready to leave he comes over to tell me bye. And like the Stage Five Clinger that I am, I ask him if he wants a cheerleader there at his game. I get a "well.... the guys are taking me out later..." and I said, oh, I just meant the game, but it's cool, nevermind. Because OBVIOUSLY I am playing it so very cool. *insert eye roll here

By the way, when I had a boyfriend, I was invited to watch his games and go out with his friends at least once a week.

I think I'm going back to my original post break-up plan which was no damn men for a year. Or at least until the end of the year. This shit is way too stressful.

The 26 year old who's never actually dated

That's right. I'm 26, and I've never been in a normal, start off dating, grow into something more, fall in love, enter into coupledom bliss type of relationship. Instead, I have dove head first from one man's arms to the next. At eighteen, I left an extremely dangerous family situation and moved directly in with a guy friend. It was that or a shelter, so I went with the friend. Who of course was no longer just a friend within a couple of days. Three years later we were married, and four years later we were divorced. Of course, instead of taking time to grieve and heal, I find my solace in the bed of another man I barely know. The day after I left my husband. Terrible, I know, but it felt good at the time, so I gave in. Unfortunately, he had more issues than I did, and nine months later we finally end the most volatile relationship known to man. And that's where this whole story will really start. The trials and tribulations of a girl who has never entered a relationship under any sort of normal circumstance. A girl who has never had someone fall in love with her. A girl who had to fight her whole life trying to make someone love her.